change...

It rained all day.

I felt a change with in my self today.
 I cried a lot this morning.  I have just felt so lonely these past few days.  I don't have someone to talk to on my drives home. I no longer have that person to dissect my day with.  I do not have someone to end my day with. I am just alone.  The difference today is that I accepted that I have been lonely for a long time.  I just had someone but not someone that was connecting with me.
He left me a long time ago.
I have just been fighting for the potential that I saw in us.  I have been fighting to hold onto the dreams that i had for my family, for my kids, for me.  I let those go today. I decided to stop thinking about what we no longer have. I am still sad.  I am still heart broken but I am truly looking forward.

I know this is not going to make it all better.
I know that we will have hard times.
I know that the actual divorce process is going to be horrible.

Maybe it is all the love and support.
I have been so shocked by how much people want to care for us, for me.  I truly have the most amazing people in my life.  I never expected this.  I thought people would be shocked.  The amount of genuine care has just moved me to tears on many occasions.
People actually care about me.

I do have value. I have value as me, for who I am. It is not about me as a mother or teacher but just because people care about me.

We are going to be ok.
I am going to be ok.

I will forgive. We will forgive. We will all move forward.

Ava Davo Doo age 6

"My family, we all have love. Look see the hearts"