The Southeastern guide dog association invite the public to come and play with the puppies. What a better way to bring joy back to the kids. They all had so much fun. Ava held every single puppy that came her way. She was in heaven. Beckett just kept squealing with joy. Logan was watching and playing. he loved throwing them the toys and playing tug of war. They were not crowded so we got lots of time to cuddle and play and hug the puppies. The great thing was that we were doing something good at the same time. We were helping to socialize the puppies so that they can grow up and help people. The kids were just amazed. When we were done puppy hugging we went and let two of the older dogs walk us! They were so strong. I can let the kids walk our dog Jolene but that was not possible with these dogs. I kept hearing my shoulder pop. I was honestly worried that i would loose the dog. Of course as soon as we got back they calmed down and let the kids brush them. It just killed me that I was thinking about how much Eric would of loved this day.
Then it hit me...he wouldn't of made the time to do this with us before he left.
We were alone a lot.
I love my mom but I would of preferred that he was with us, not now, but then.
Panic started to set in.
My heart feels like it is on fire in chest.
My head is swimming with uncertainty.
My stomach is always in knots. I just do not know what the future has to hold for us. This is both scary and exciting. I do not know where to start with any of this. I feel almost frozen but I know I have to move forward. I know I have to just sit down and figure it all out. Its just all so scary. There are the most important parts of my life at stake, Logan, Ava and Beckett.
These beautiful children that like me did not ask for any of this to happen, These children are why I will not allow anyone else to steal my joy. I have to teach them that no matter what is going on in life we have to choose how we allow the to affect us. I might feel gross and ugly right now but I will still move forward and find the joy everyday.
Life is full of puppy hugging and panic, all living together.
I just discovered your blog, I am in the process of divorcing my cheating and abusive husband of many years. I have four children who I am trying to protect and stay strong for, I don't want them to grow up with another second of this. I know what you mean about scary and exciting. I'm in a panic one minute and then feel like wonder woman the next. It's really hard, but absolutely necessary. Lots of love and strength to you...
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