He left and will not be back.
Ava was sad all day. She just woke up sad.
So did I.
It really hitting me that the life I had wanted, the life that I imagined as imperfect as it was, is over. I want to focus on the new beginnings. I put on the fake smile and trudge forward. I wish I had more answers. I wish I knew what went so wrong so quickly. I wish I had answers for my kids, for myself.
I hate that I miss him. I don't know if its that I miss him or having a partner. I just always thought that this would pass. I always thought that at the core of everything was a deep care and love that we had for each other. Love is not easy or perfect sometimes it is not what we need or want but we know its still there.
I just always thought we would end up looking back at these times knowing that they made us stronger,
that they made us better.
He left.
It kills me to see all of my loves sad. I wish I could make it better, but I know that I can't. I can just love you through it and know that next time you will find someone with the emotional maturity to be in a relationship. And, that time will come, after some time, and after some healing.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what we want to believe, they always say who they REALLY are. I can look back at my situation and say, "well, he alluded to it all along. I just didn't want to believe it." We are the mamas. We are love lovers and the stayers. We have no choice. You know, it took about a year and I knew he wasn't coming back... but I was wrong. He came back a year too late and I can say that every, "I miss you / love you" text that I get is like I found $20 on the ground. You know that feeling? It takes about 4 months to get passed things- comfortable in your hurt, but you will be ok and so will the kids. Much love.
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