my kids...

The phrase my kids never hurt so much or brought so much pride.
I am alone in all of this except for my kids.
They are amazing people that I am proud to simply know.

When I was pregnant with my first born son I would sit around and think about what kind of mother I wanted to be. More importantly I would sit around and think about the core truths I wanted for my son. This was hard I toiled over what I wanted for them.  It all just felt so trite.

Of course I wanted them to be:
Happy, beautiful, brilliant, thrilling, loving, adventurous, caring, joyful, engaging, artistic, creative, alert, ambitious, amused, brave, calm, capable, charming, cheerful, comfortable,confident, courageous, credible, cultured, dashing, dazzling, decisive, delightful, determined, diligent, dynamic, eager, efficient, enchanting, encouraging, endurable, energetic, entertaining, enthusiastic, fabulous, fair, faithful, fearless, frank, friendly, funny, generous, gentle, good, harmonious, helpful, hilarious, honorable, instinctive, kind, knowledgeable, lively, lucky, nice, peaceful, pleasant, plucky, productive, protective, proud, quirky, receptive, reflective, resolute, responsible, romantic, righteous, selective, self assured, sensitive, silly, sincere, skillful, smiling, steadfast, talented, thoughtful, tough, trustworthy, unusual, upbeat, vivacious, warm, wise, witty, wonderful....

Then I realized all of this will be true if I have simply well not so simply,

Intrinsically motivated, ethical, resilient children.

This is all I can ask for with out putting my wants, needs, desires on them.  This is what I hope for. I want my kids to see what is right and bounce back from the wrongs.

This came with such clarity as the answer to what seemed like the hardest question I would ever ask of myself.  I ask myself daily if how I am handling any of life's situations big and small if I am giving my children the tools they need.  If I am doing it right always feeling like I am doing it wrong, until I see them and really see them. When I watch Beckett walk so proud as line leader to art, when Logan and Ava choose each other to work with but are so fiercely independent at the same time.

I am so blessed to be a witness to my children.

I am so proud of them, they are intrinsically motivated, ethical, and for sure resilient children.

Period...

Picking up my daughter at her friends house I looked at her friends big sister in surprise at how she transformed from kid to little woman over the summer. Her mother and I stood there looking at her astounded by her beauty. We chatted as she looked on patiently waiting for her mom. I pulled away staring at my little girl knowing that she gets older and more mature each moment. I get a text from the mom telling me her daughter was waiting to tell her she just started her first period.

Periods are alway the start and the end of something of everything.

Tomorrow I start the first day of my new full time job. The first time that' I am not a full time mom and a part time something else. I am now a full time mom and a full time teacher. I am excited and scared and thrilled and saddened. I will no longer be able to be class mom or at every field trip, but I will always be just down the hall! It's a give and take. I always wanted to teach and I am so grateful for this opportunity.

This is my new beginning. I need to take my lessons and use them to create the life I want for my kids and myself. This is my capital letter after that very harsh period. This is me stepping into my new life in my new career.

I will showy kids how to move forward. I will show them how to learn and grow.

This is going to be an amazing capital letter.